Oh...sorry!

Hello Darlings!

Well you may or may not have noticed that I have been sadly absent from the delluge of creativity that is the bloggersphere of late. I'm really sorry. It wasn't my intention to deprive you of my presence, but I have been busy. I'm not saying that other bloggers have nothing else better to do, but rather confessing my blatant inability to prioritise.

Bloggers: People born with the innate ability to prioritise

Anyway, Anyway, Anyway - I have been very busy doing my makeup course, of which I am very nearly finished! I have learned a great deal and we have covered so much! I've learned to shut the eff up and listen, that lining lips symmetrically is tricky and that a wig is only as good as its lace (something that I'd never considered before but stuck out like a sore thumb in the new twilight film)My world has been all hairsprays and powders, bald caps and latex, home made blood (tea, food colouring honey and golden syrup)and hair grips. I have cleaned brushes, sewed in whefts and eaten my own weight in homemade sandwiches.

Here are a few photos of my work: (so far)







That's all for now - hope you likey like XXX

Is Make-up Art?

Illamasqua - The best makeup brand of 2009

I am an educated middle-class twenty something. I am bright and intelligent, but I am also creative ("And Big Headed!" I hear you scream, "Where is this going??") Well, let me explain. In May I am attending a makeup course with a prestigious London school. I am extremely excited about this new turn of events, but some of my friends do not seem to take the same attitiude. Now these friends are from the academia side of the woods, so they are not pre-disposed towards understanding matters of a more creative disposition.

However, after a few "When's the beauty course start? What are the modules? shampooing for beginners?'" type-comments (and after getting tired of changing my underwear all the time because I was laughing so damn hard) I got a bit ruffled. Why do people get so snotty about such things? Why are the more academic disciplines such as theology or physics deemed to be loftier pursuits than prosthetic makeup and airbrushing?

In the recent documentary, The September Issue, Anna Wintour remarked that in the face of her siblings' more established careers in 'hardcore journalism' (my words not hers) her position as Editor of Vogue has been met with ridicule by some members of her family. They see her chosen career in the fashion industry as shallow and unimportant. This brings my main point: I do not think that the practice of makeup artistry is insignificant. Whilst I am biased, I can acknowledge that perhaps a career in the cosmetics industry will not aid important scientific discoveries such as the breakthrough cure for cancer. (but hey, you never know) However, I believe it is important for two main reasons:

1.) In your average advertising campaign, the makeup used on the models is not obvious. It is simply a tool used to enhance Kate Moss' eyes, or Lily Cole's lips. It is not intrinsically valuable. However, once in a while I see makeup used in a context which I believe constitutes as art. Such an example I recently stumbled across on the photographer John Rankin's website. (http://www.rankin.co.uk/portfolio/beauty) The degree of skill and thought involved in the conceptualisation of such a project is proof alone of make-up artistry as an art form. Ladies and Gentlemen! I give you example numero uno!

She knew she shouldn't have fallen asleep after drinking too much at that party...

If a crappy unmade bed can be art, surely we can at least place the above somewhere between Damien Hirst and Michaelangelo? Someone once told me that something can be considered to be art if it evokes a reaction. Well, I believe that the above could be considered to be living, breathing artwork.

Chanel's A/W 2010 makeup. I'm seeing a definate 60s vibe. Noice hat btw.

2.) This brings me to my second point. Like its more conventional brother, cosmetic illustration has great ties with self expression. The expressionist painters would use various hues to demonstrate internal emotion - Munch's The Scream contains strokes of red and brown that evoke the artist's panicked emotion. In the sameway, make-up allows the wearer to express themselves. Like how one would wear an Alexander McQueen handbag, or a Betsy Johnson Dress. Vivienne Westwood's punk clothing. Elizabeth Hurely's safety pin dress. The impact these had on popular culture was huge, but in many ways, so were Twiggy and Edie's use of eyeliner in the 1960s. This is not to mention the impact that prosthetic makeup has had on the film industry - Movies such as Frankenstien, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter could never have been made!

A life without Mrs Doubtfire...A harrowing notion


Not only does Make-up and its artistry allow for untold self expression, it brings happiness and pleasure to people. What is more, it allows us to effectively track and understand cultural changes in a way that would prove difficult through literary sources. Indeed, by looking at the cosmetics of an era and how they were used, we can discern what the conventional ideas of beauty were, trends, and technology. It is both an interesting and important part of not only our fashion history, but also our cultural history too.


Makeup, bringing untold happiness to Eddie Izzard and other drag queens the world over


Cleopatra...Queen of EYELINER

That is my argument darlings. I'm standing up for 'the shallow arts.' As for my course...

watch this space.

New Year or New Fear?

Good Morning and Happy New Year, my beautiful little sausages.

Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking, long time no blog! Well, you'll be right on that one but it just so happens that I got sidetracked by a wee holiday known as Christmas (my readership is so broad I tend not to assume that my subscribers are all of christian persuasion.) If Christmas is an alien concept to you then I'll chuck a few buzzwords your way to elucidate you on the subject: PRESENTS!!!!!!, eating, PRESENTS!!!!!!! makingmembersofyourfamilycryatthelunchtable, quality street, baby Jesus.

So with the formalities out of the way, let me move smoothly onto the subject of this article; New Year. Before the sharper knives of you point out, yes I know we've already had New Year. I was there. I had a party. It was fabulous. But I don't just wish to address the event itself, but the whole concept of new beginnings, the proverbial clean slate as it were.

The idea of New Year (henceforth abreviated to NY) as a time to be dreaded entered my sunny orbit recently when I was perousing Facebook and a friend (who shall remain nameless) joined a group which had been imaginatively named 'I HAAATE NEW YEAR! GRRR. OMFG!** LOLZ'
That the subject in question is over forty is neither here nor there, the fact is, it got me thinking. There are people for whom New Year is indicative of past failures, deaths, painful memories and that time you sent fifteen eyelashes to that guy in the office you liked and he didn't reply. Nightmare. By emphasising the new, we instinctively look back at the old, what we are leaving behind, possibly forever. The finality of this can sometimes feel a bit depressing (that's the last time I'll see GAGA live in concert, I'll never see my nan again... that kind of thing)

Well ducks, never fear I have come up with Chanello's guide to enjoying the prospect of NY! Follow these points to the letter and I guarantee that you will no longer dread the ushering in of 2010:

• "I'm alone on NY yet again. I hate being single, I have no-one to kiss at midnight and it just reminds me of all my past relationship failures." No. A relationship ended is not a relationship failed. Think of it as a just another case in point for how you are the best person you know. Use NY as a opportunity to celebrate your hatred of the opposite sex. Throw a party and invite ONLY the gender that you are not attracted to. Then challenge yourself to fancy one of them.


• "I hate making NYs resolutions. I always give up after January, I hate the pressure of feeling like a failure." The solution to this one is simple, yet effective. Don't make resolutions that you can't keep! Instead of 'In 2010 I will lose weight, get a boyfriend and pursue my dream career whilst having a child with a sperm donor and giving up chocolate' no NO NO! Think more in terms of: This year, I will buy at least one pair of shoes, I will sample more than one type of chocolate and learn to breathe more effectively. See? You're still progressing towards self betterment, but it's going to be less stressful and you won't fail! HURRAY!


• "I hate the beginning of a NY. It's always dark and miserable." This one is tricky, but with the right attitude adjustment you will feel better in no time at all! Make a list of all the reasons why you hate the sun: it gives you cancer! You have to get your flabby body out! it makes you sweat! Then all the reasons why you like the winter: Winter clothes are more chic! Pale is interesting! that's right, you're doing it! Snuggle up indoors and watch black and white movies - the people in those don't seem to mind that there's no colour in their lives do they? and neither do you! Who needs a holiday when you can sit by a log fire?

And with that my darlings I leave you for now. Have a happy and healthy 2010, and stop stressing yourself out! Don't think: This year will be the best year ever! Instead: If I make it to 2011, I'm a success!! See? You're already a winner just by breathing!

Love X X

Iphone photographs

I've been meaning to do a post on this for ages, because I really like the images that the Iphone has turned out. Now the iphone isn't exactly known for its camera. If you are so inclined you can read trillions of scathing reviews about said iPhone here.

But lets not be negative Nigels about the whole thing. I have a few handy hints to getting the most out of your iphone camera, and some photographs to show you so that if after all that I haven't convinced you, well, they should.

1. Photogene - allows you to edit your often colourless grainy images into photographic masterpieces.

Change the exposure, and colour of your pictures. Rotate. Crop. Sharpen. Add effects such as shapes, speech bubbles and sepia. For a couple of quid it is well worth it.

2.Pano - The most amazing app! Allows you to take full panoramic photos and is easy to use, so that when you move onto the next shot, you see the 'ghost' of the previous image at the edge of the camera viewfinder. This means you no longer have any lining up issues. You can have loads of fun with this one, including having several pictures of yourself in the same photograph! (see below) God I'm self obsessed....look it's me! me again! and again!!! Why be content with a simple photograph of yourself, when you and your clones can dominate the frame by clinging to its every oriface?

3. DXP - Not the easiest app to use granted, but once you get the hang of it, it turns out some really good results. This app allows you to double, triple, quadruplely (ahhh!!) expose your images. There are several settings with different effects within this, so it is just up to you to have a bit of a play and find which one suits the image. The free version is enough to be getting on with, and to be honest I haven't felt the need to purchase the other version. But if you are a photography pro then maybe you will.

4. Old Booth - Now this IS worth paying for. Ever been on a train with a friend, you know the kind of journey I mean. It's getting boring, the conversation is wearing thin....never fear!!! Whip this little beauty out and you have inbuilt (or for long as the battery lasts) hours of fun fun fun! Old booth allows you to put the faces of your friends into different hairstyles and clothing. The most fun to be found is changing the gender of the person involved. That always makes for slightly disturbing images. One of the christmas cards kids!

The thing I love about having my camera on my iphone is, is that I use it as a kind of travel journal. I like to photograph the places I have been and what I have seen. I know, I know, I could also use my camera for that too, but somehow it isn't the same. There's nothing quite like whipping out the iphone for a quick unplanned shot of something that takes your fancy.

And with that, I leave you the resulting photos! If you have an Iphone, have a go yourself! If not, let me know what you think of these. Are they good? bad? Does the quality annoy you? are the over-edited?

Well whatever your opinion my critical little cocktail sausages, remember: it's a superior photographer who can make the best of inferior tools. Anyone can take beautiful photos with an expensive Canon. So there.

What will you have on your Gravestone?

Hello and sorry for the lack of posting!
Here are a few piccies from when I visited highgate cemetary the other day. If you are rather morbid and enjoy graveyards like me, then you cannot get any better than Highgate. I really enjoyed wandering around under the trees looking at some of the old overgrown headstones. In fact, I loved it so much that if I was put in charge of tourism for highgate I would definately have its advertising slogan as something like "dead interesting" - Geddit?

There's loads of photo opps as well, so if you're in LDN at a loose end, head on over! You might even catch me looming around the gravestones. I'm the one with the....never mind.

You might even run into a few famous faces as well, there's a couple of them lingering around all dead and everythin'!

I've included one of them below. Now you might miss him, so I'll give you a clue. He's being very understated...and he clearly had some self esteem issues that he hadn't sorted out before he died....












Now all this graveyard stuff got me thinking. Looking around, I noticed that there were a couple of people who had really gone for it with their graves. Highgate is still a working cemetary, so a few of them weren't that old at all, and had gone all 'modern' and arty with their headstone design. Some people had really thought outside the box! (excuse the pun ha ha.)

For some people though, death is a really scary disturbing issue. They like to skirt around the whole taboo area by engraving things like 'not dead, just sleeping' or 'with the angels now' on the gravestones of their loved ones. However, you really have to hand it to this guy. He didn't beat around the bush. He got straight to the point:



Another man obviously wanted to be remembered for something other than what kind of a person he was. But this lofty structure really doesn't hold any clues whatsoever. Not a thing. I'm really very clueles as to what he was getting at:



I love this one below because I really don't think you can just describe a person's life in a single epitaph. This person hasn't. However I think if you used this method to decsribe me it wouldn't be as poetic somehow:



'Laura: McDonalds, dogs, sleeping, bathing, whinging, iphone, never married, no children, nail varnish, hair, untidy, snappy dresser, degree'

Doesn't quite cut it somehow.

That got me thinking. And then I saw this one. Now call me suspicious but it seems like someone may have been using a little artistic licence:


You know what? Once your children and grandchildren have kicked the bucket as well, no one is going to remember who you were. That's right, you'll be forgotten. But here's an antidote to make sure that your grave is always visited, and always generating interest...LIE!

Say you were Grand master Wizard of the Universe or Lord Voldemort of Saturn if it gets the punters in. I think I'll be "Princess Leia, daughter of Padme and Anakin, legendary politician, diplomat, revolutionary and Jedi. Leaves behind devestated husband Hans."

Also, why not take the opportunity to insult someone still living on your inscription? This one is pulling no punches:



That's right, make your last words to your children telling them that you liked one of them better. That's going to cause a few problems isn't it? I'm not being funny Greg, but I really don't think Stacy is going to find consolation in the fact that you love her and Taylor both. You've just said that he was the BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU. ON YOUR GRAVESTONE! It doesn't get any more insulting than that!

Now I leave you to ponder your own words, should you be taken from this cruel world oh so suddenly.

Cheerio!

Halloween

Let the witching hour begin!


ahh Halloween. Minor event here in Blighty, massive 'holiday' in Yankee doodle land! It's the one event where the Christians can really go to town without feeling hypocritical ("Christmas has turned into a shallow consumerist time!! ahhhh!!" Erm...you invented it! You only have yourselves to blame...)

It's Strange, is it not, that in a country where guns are legal and sixteen year olds can be put on death row that kids running screaming from door to door is considered evidence of Lucifer himself. AGHHHHH SO ANGRY...ha anyway, I'm over it.

However, cross a couple of of Oceans (I dropped Geography) and knock on most British people's doors and you're more likely to get a confused stare than any kind of confectionary treat (or lethal injection...you win some you lose some!) The only exception I've found is to be the odd kids party. Oh, and then there's the students who will use ANY excuse to dress up. Over the years my friends and I would concoct a variety of disguises and costumes, competing with one another to see who could be the most contraversial and inventive.

This, dear friends, brings me to my point. GIRLS I'm talking to you! Maybe you can explain something to me. Why is it that so many girls use Halloween to 'advertise'? (ie dress like sl-gs? and I don't mean slugs.) Correct me if I'm wrong but on Halloween most of the fairer sex that I encountered were dressed as something 'sexy' be it Bunny Girl, devil, or witch. There was as little left to the imagination as possible (which is ironic given that it was halloween.) Perhaps I'm subconciously seething with jealousy or I've been reading too much Germaine Greer (see earlier post) but it really pisses me off.

So if this is you, take a leaf out of my book this year girls. If you're going to dress up, be Fun! creative! scary! But for godssake don't go sexy, which shows about as much imagination and depth as a puddle of brown pond water. For those of you who are lacking in imagination, I've got some pictures (see above) and videos for you!
Go as:
Harry Potter (it's ok...no one will think you're a boy!)
Sonic the hedgehog
jedi
Obscure Disney Character

Or alternatively, go as someone who is dead?
This means you can add a certain air of chicness (not to be confused with sexy) to an outfit.
Edie Sedgwick is a good one, or try a 1920s flapper, or even Audrey Hepburn!

So go now my beauties, be creative, fun and interesting, but don't feel the need to use such an innocent American pastime as a vehicle for your sexuality. I say this not because Jesus is angry, but because it bores the shit out of me.

Love!

p.s. Here is a fantastic Tutorial for those who want to get creative with their makeup:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xktMzhBnyd0&feature=player_profilepage#

OR

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD3YoJNxCP4