Good Morning and Happy New Year, my beautiful little sausages.
Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking, long time no blog! Well, you'll be right on that one but it just so happens that I got sidetracked by a wee holiday known as Christmas (my readership is so broad I tend not to assume that my subscribers are all of christian persuasion.) If Christmas is an alien concept to you then I'll chuck a few buzzwords your way to elucidate you on the subject: PRESENTS!!!!!!, eating, PRESENTS!!!!!!! makingmembersofyourfamilycryatthelunchtable, quality street, baby Jesus.
So with the formalities out of the way, let me move smoothly onto the subject of this article; New Year. Before the sharper knives of you point out, yes I know we've already had New Year. I was there. I had a party. It was fabulous. But I don't just wish to address the event itself, but the whole concept of new beginnings, the proverbial clean slate as it were.
The idea of New Year (henceforth abreviated to NY) as a time to be dreaded entered my sunny orbit recently when I was perousing Facebook and a friend (who shall remain nameless) joined a group which had been imaginatively named 'I HAAATE NEW YEAR! GRRR. OMFG!** LOLZ'
That the subject in question is over forty is neither here nor there, the fact is, it got me thinking. There are people for whom New Year is indicative of past failures, deaths, painful memories and that time you sent fifteen eyelashes to that guy in the office you liked and he didn't reply. Nightmare. By emphasising the new, we instinctively look back at the old, what we are leaving behind, possibly forever. The finality of this can sometimes feel a bit depressing (that's the last time I'll see GAGA live in concert, I'll never see my nan again... that kind of thing)
Well ducks, never fear I have come up with Chanello's guide to enjoying the prospect of NY! Follow these points to the letter and I guarantee that you will no longer dread the ushering in of 2010:
Yes, yes, I know what you are thinking, long time no blog! Well, you'll be right on that one but it just so happens that I got sidetracked by a wee holiday known as Christmas (my readership is so broad I tend not to assume that my subscribers are all of christian persuasion.) If Christmas is an alien concept to you then I'll chuck a few buzzwords your way to elucidate you on the subject: PRESENTS!!!!!!, eating, PRESENTS!!!!!!! makingmembersofyourfamilycryatthelunchtable, quality street, baby Jesus.
So with the formalities out of the way, let me move smoothly onto the subject of this article; New Year. Before the sharper knives of you point out, yes I know we've already had New Year. I was there. I had a party. It was fabulous. But I don't just wish to address the event itself, but the whole concept of new beginnings, the proverbial clean slate as it were.
The idea of New Year (henceforth abreviated to NY) as a time to be dreaded entered my sunny orbit recently when I was perousing Facebook and a friend (who shall remain nameless) joined a group which had been imaginatively named 'I HAAATE NEW YEAR! GRRR. OMFG!** LOLZ'
That the subject in question is over forty is neither here nor there, the fact is, it got me thinking. There are people for whom New Year is indicative of past failures, deaths, painful memories and that time you sent fifteen eyelashes to that guy in the office you liked and he didn't reply. Nightmare. By emphasising the new, we instinctively look back at the old, what we are leaving behind, possibly forever. The finality of this can sometimes feel a bit depressing (that's the last time I'll see GAGA live in concert, I'll never see my nan again... that kind of thing)
Well ducks, never fear I have come up with Chanello's guide to enjoying the prospect of NY! Follow these points to the letter and I guarantee that you will no longer dread the ushering in of 2010:
- "I'm alone on NY yet again. I hate being single, I have no-one to kiss at midnight and it just reminds me of all my past relationship failures." No. A relationship ended is not a relationship failed. Think of it as a just another case in point for how you are the best person you know. Use NY as a opportunity to celebrate your hatred of the opposite sex. Throw a party and invite ONLY the gender that you are not attracted to. Then challenge yourself to fancy one of them.
- "I hate making NYs resolutions. I always give up after January, I hate the pressure of feeling like a failure." The solution to this one is simple, yet effective. Don't make resolutions that you can't keep! Instead of 'In 2010 I will lose weight, get a boyfriend and pursue my dream career whilst having a child with a sperm donor and giving up chocolate' no NO NO! Think more in terms of: This year, I will buy at least one pair of shoes, I will sample more than one type of chocolate and learn to breathe more effectively. See? You're still progressing towards self betterment, but it's going to be less stressful and you won't fail! HURRAY!
- "I hate the beginning of a NY. It's always dark and miserable." This one is tricky, but with the right attitude adjustment you will feel better in no time at all! Make a list of all the reasons why you hate the sun: it gives you cancer! You have to get your flabby body out! it makes you sweat! Then all the reasons why you like the winter: Winter clothes are more chic! Pale is interesting! that's right, you're doing it! Snuggle up indoors and watch black and white movies - the people in those don't seem to mind that there's no colour in their lives do they? and neither do you! Who needs a holiday when you can sit by a log fire?
And with that my darlings I leave you for now. Have a happy and healthy 2010, and stop stressing yourself out! Don't think: This year will be the best year ever! Instead: If I make it to 2011, I'm a success!! See? You're already a winner just by breathing!
Love X X
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